Monday, January 18, 2016
One of THOSE days
I knew up here (I'm pointing to my head) that it would be a difficult transition: moving to Guatemala, working in an orphanage and medical clinic, not being fluent in Spanish... But even knowing did not prepare me for the emotional difficulty this move has brought me. If God hadn't walked every step of the way with me before I arrived, I think I would be having major doubts right now about this decision! But because He is good, and, more importantly at this exact moment, merciful... I'm 100% sure this is the right road. I just need to stroll a little further down it.
Today was my first full day in clinic by myself. Not gonna lie, was fighting tears by the end of the morning out of frustration with my inability to understand the language. I took my computer work home with me an hour and a half early in order to keep my composure and not break down. That was after one of my fellow nurses brought me tissues and the assistant stood over me telling me in Spanish not to worry, it's going to be okay.
Why the emotions? I'm not really sure. I remember when I started my first job as a nurse I felt this way and again with each role I've assumed: into the ICU as a nurse and then into the ED as a Nurse Practitioner. The fear and anxiety usually lasted a month and stemmed from some emotional center that in no way reflected what I was thinking in my cabeza...then or now. My thoughts are quite rational. Too bad my heart isn't listening. :o)
So I told my heart today I'm going to give it a year and if it doesn't work out, then I'll leave. And actually even if it does work out, I'll be leaving in a year. Bottom line, it's for a year. I'm giving it to God to do whatever He wants. (For the sake of my co-workers I hope it's not crying, can you imagine putting up with that every day?)
Off to my dinner and then my section. I'm going to Guatemala City tomorrow with one of the niños for a specialist appointment. Thankfully not by myself! And I should get to move into my house on Wednesday! Things are good on the island...really!